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The Social Media Pandemic

Posted at — Oct 18, 2021 by Abishek Muthian

Earth Health Organization(EHO) has declared a pandemic due to the most dangerous plague till date. It supposedly has severe consequences for not only the current population but also for future generations.

It's named 'Social Media Pandemic' as the plague is caused by the several viral pathogens belonging to the Social Media family.



Although the primary symptoms for the social media plague are common, The progression of the disease varies as per the virus.

Wastebook virus started out as contagious only among family and friends but has since spread throughout the society. The most dangerous aspect of the Wastebook virus is that it seems to absorb similar smaller viruses and acquire their capabilities as well.

The disease which causes one to estimate their own self-worth by how others react to our feelings using virtual artifacts is expected to have been spread at large by the Wastebook. This disease is now spread by all social media viruses.

With new research uncovering severe cases of disease caused by Instaounce a variant of Wastebook on Teens, Scientists are rushing to develop a vaccine which would prevent Wastebook from affecting children, among the concerns that it already is spreading among children.

FastApp, Another variant of Wastebook diminishes critical thinking by incentivizing fast reactionary responses. This disease is expected to have resulted in numerous mob violence incidents in several developing countries.

Tooter virus was initially considered to be less harmful as it only seemed to elicit elitist tendencies among those with vocabulary skills. But newer evidences shows that Tooter is not much different than other social media viruses and might be primarily responsible for lower attention span disease.

Those affected by Tooter seem to develop a herd mentality which is efficiently exploited as a salve labor by celebrities to push their agenda, often for post-retirement political career. Tooter's algorithm ensures the vicious cycle of celebrities gathering herd and those with enough herd becoming a celebrity themselves.

Newly discovered social media virus like Pic-Poc seem to mimic the low-attention span strategy of Tooter using a vector called Video, Those affected by this disease cannot hold their visual attention for more than 30 seconds.

Shlinkedin virus is expected to be spreading only among the professionals and changes their behavior to be anything but a professional. It started out to be a benevolent virus helping to showcase skills, but has now mutated to multiply on low-attention span content like selfies, jokes, memes etc.

Since Shlinkedin encourages visual appearance over actual skills in the form of '30 second video intro', Profile Photo, Selfies with 30,000 likes; It has been found to negatively impact job prospects of old and those without genetic lottery like the disabled.

Other notable social media viruses include Sexchat which causes young people to make questionable choices resulting in life long regret.

One recurring theme among the diseases caused by the social media viruses seems to be conformity. In order to keep the herd pleased, Infected seem to loose the ability of original thinking completely due to constant rehashing of the content liked by the herd.


The origins of the social media virus is widely debated, But increasing number of evidence point to a super power creating it in the lab to monitor, influence, subvert the enemy - Their citizens.

Seeing the success of the social media virus over the population, Other countries are expected to have started to genetically modify the virus and create their own variants.

In turn, the social media viruses is allowed to thrive unabated on advertisements aspiration porn even if it undermines the democracy and the very fabric of the society.


Like any virus induced disease, Avoiding the infection from the social media viruses is the best way to prevent contracting the disease. Doctors say that being in a Privacy rich environment is a good deterrent against the the social media virus as it thrives in lack thereof.

But Economists argue that preventing the infection from the social media viruses altogether might not be an option for everyone due to the reputation economy; Since the Social Media Pandemic has created an environment where it's impossible for those without a network to promote their work like solopreneurs and independent artists.

Experts cry that immunization by federated vaccine systems by distributing the content we write on our platform through it is the only long term solution for surviving the Social Media Pandemic.

Scientists sight the eradication of Oogle Pus virus to insist that when people remain immune to a social media virus, it can be eradicated successfully from the human population.


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